I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
