What did we do last night that was yellow?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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