You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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