i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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