i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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