yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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