fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
