Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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