I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
