craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
