Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
nutella sex= disaster
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
