I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Randomize
