awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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