bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
