also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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