so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
