I skipped work to stalk him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
