drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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