Sry I called you an 8
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
