Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
