I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
