if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
