Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
