Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
