U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
