I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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