My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
