someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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