Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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