So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
