I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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