Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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