bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
