1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
