Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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