...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it's like heaven, but drunker
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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