this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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