i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
