false alarm. still invincible.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
