On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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