I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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