When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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