I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
