my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
