You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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