yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
