shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
