Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
