Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
