Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
