In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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