I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize