Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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