dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i believe in u and ur pee
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
