i don't like sucking hair
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
