In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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