i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i love accidental penises.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.