I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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