dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.