I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.