I hate all girls vehemently.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year