I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby