You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.